by Pete Puma and Butch Suede

Duncan Manwood's about as gay as Liberace on astro-gin, but lately, he's been readin' some weird-ass book on how to turn his butt-seekin' cock into a pussy-missile.  So, anyways, one of the tips in this book is that he needs to get a girlfriend or whatever.  You know, try stickin' it in a bitch's tuna taco for a while and see how that shit goes.  Well, I guess he hasn't been too convincin' with his new snatch-owner, cause he thinks she's been lookin' for a little side-dick.

So, I'm gonna give you douchebags a few clues on how to figure out if your girlfriend is bangin' some other dude on the sly or whatever.

1. Her snatch tastes like jizz, but not your own - This shit should clue your asses in to somethin' weird goin' on...like the fact that you know the taste of your own gash-marinade from another dude's.  Do everybody a favor and go back to suckin' dick, faggotron.

Hmmm...I don't know THAT taste.

2. Tell her you think about bangin' other chicks ALL THE TIME - The key to gettin' your bitch to own up to cheatin' on your ass is to make her feel comfortable and shit.  When you tell her you're thinkin' about gettin' a little "strange," she'll maybe own up and just come out with it.  Hotties dig honesty.

Here's what a relaxed chick looks like.

3. Your cock comes out of her snatch with a rubber on it, even though it didn't have one goin' in. - Not only do you know she's been gettin' slammed by some other dude, now you know he's gay enough to wear a rubber, AND that his porksword's too small to keep that shit on.

Remember that that's some other dude's jizz...better boil your cock after that shit.

4. Her cunt's feelin' a little on the loose side, like fuckin' a jar of warm mayonnaise. - There're two reasons a bitch's hole can start feelin' all flappy and shit: she's popped out some dumbass kid, or she's been housin' some serious dong up there.  This tip doesn't help MY ass out much, but it'll clue you in if your slut's been bangin' somebody like Butch or me on the side.

It's a good idea to keep your dick attached to your body if you're going to fuck a jar.

5. Have one of your side-sluts tail her ass - Every self-respectin' dude has a gaggle of bitches he can call on to do 'im favors, suck his dick, or whatever.  Why not ring up one of these sluts and tell 'er to tail your main-snatch's ass, and see if she's meetin' up with any dudes?  Make those cunts useful for more than just a dick-bath every now and then.

This cheater-pic was taken with my patented "snatch-cam."

6. She starts doin' shit "on her own." - If there's one thing I've learned in my years of snaggin' pussy, it's that bitches can't do a fuckin' thing on their own.  A hottie can't even change a light bulb without forcin' your ass up a ladder or whatever.  If she stops askin' you to do shit like that, she's probably got some other dude doin' it for her.

Chicks can't even PRETEND to be able to do shit.

7. Her farts don't smell like anything YOU saw her eat. - I know I don't eat any shit that came from another country, dudes, cause I'm a fuckin' American and I'm all patriotical and shit.  I also don't let my bitches eat any of that chink shizz, or rag-head goulash or whatever.  You start smellin' that crap when she rips one, and you've got some serious probs, dudes.

8. When she's tellin' you about "her day," she slips up and mentions something about bangin' some other dude. - Chicks aren't too smart.  Trick here is that you gotta actually listen to what she's sayin' to catch it.  That's the hardest fuckin' part fo sho.

Fellas, I know it's hard to make it look like you care...I know.

9. She starts pullin' tricks in the sack that aren't YOUR moves. - Now, I got my standard moves.  Most of 'em are patient-pendin' or whatever, cause they're unique or whatever.  If she starts pullin' shit you don't remember teachin' her, she's probably learnin' that crap somewhere else.  If your bitch starts messin' with your growl-hole or doin' other freaky bullshit, you gotta start askin' yourself some serious questions.

10. When she gives you a Cleveland Steamer, you find some other dude's watch. - Bitch's been doin' some hardcore shit.  You gotta respect that shit, but not when it's with another cock-peddler.

You can tell a lot about what kind of dude your girlfriend's fucking by the kind of watch he loses in her ass.

Keep on pumpin', dudes!

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