by Pete Puma

Well, it's finally happened.  Uncle Otto's bastard (literals, dude) douchebag son and his uptight bitch hellhound girlfiend have moved and are now hangin' full-time at The Rip House.  You may remember my mentioning their asses in the article on Uncle Otto's Funeral.  And you may also remember, unless you're retarded, that I set his ass straight on who the best dudes to run The Rip House were.  Well, anyways, Richard (Butch and I call him 'Dick' which might piss him off a little) owns the place cause Uncle Otto didn't leave a will or shit.

Readers, meet Dick Morehead.  Dick Morehead, readers.

Butch and I had some fuckin' epic ideas on how to make The Rip House more awesome and if you read Butch and Pete's Plans For The Rip House, you probably know that even really smart dudes couldn'ta come up with shit as awesome as that.  We did some of the ideas already cause we used our kickass skills to convince Dick's ass he didn't have a choice or whatever.  We put a hot tub in the middle of the floor, started "Nude Workout Fridays" (we didn't really ask him about that so next Friday's gonna be fuckin' interesting or whatever) and Butch started teachin' our new Caveman Workout Classes (even though we don't have the robot dinosaur yet).

Sure, you're a total pussy now but Butch'll get you ripped, huge and AWESOME!

Dick's an alright dude, I gotta say.  I mean, he listens to what we gotta tell him.  He looks like he's gonna crap his pants the whole time but he pretty much agrees with the shit...which is cool.  Thing is, whenever we walk outta the dude's office, his bitch-on-wheels girlfiend, Robin Hyman, walks right in there and we hear her annoyin' screechy-ass voice takin' his ass to fuckin' task, for reals.  Makes a dude wanna cry, listenin' to another dude get yelled at by a bitch like that...'cept cryin' is for pussies so we'll probably just end up railin' on his ass for bein' such a wuss-bag.

Turns out, Robin doesn't like the idea of us tellin' Dick what to do cause she thinks her Dick knows what's best for The Rip House...which is totally fuckin' false, dudes...totally.  But anyways, no climber bitch wants to see her college grad dude gettin' pushed around by a coupla muscle dudes.  But I'm gonna let you douches in on a little secret: the planet didn't get awesome cause of a bunch of assholes writin' poetry and comin' up with "fantastical" ideas and whatever.  It was built by ripped dudes pourin' cement and shit.

This dude built the world...no shit...then he fucked your dad.

We're not worried about the shit, dudes, cause no bitch is gonna stand in the way of our awesomeness.  Our "dude code" doesn't let us kick her ass but it totally lets us ignore her ass when she's talkin' shit we don't wanna hear.

Dudes...meet the sexy but totally bitchy Robin Hyman

So, that's the news from here, assholes.  Dick and Robin are in town to stay but Butch and I are already hatchin' our plan to get those two to break the fuck up cause it's totally crampin' our style, dude.  After breakin' those two up, though, we're gonna totally bang her ass cause she's super smokin' and shit...like that reporter chick in that Adam Ant video.  Keep on pumpin', dudes.