By Pete Puma and Butch Suede

Butch and I like to talk about real important shit, like what's kinda gay (Mini Cooper), what's super-gay (P90X), and what's ultra-gay (George Michael).  We started talkin' about Wham! and whatever, and then we started namin' other really gay music.  We thought our readers would be pretty psyched if they got the shit-sure scoop on the gayest music videos in the history of man.

Now, we coulda been all lazy and shit, and just given you links to the videos, but we know you've got important crap to do and we don't wanna TURN you gay (you're probably on the verge anyways).  So Butch boiled it all down to one animated pic for each one, showin' the absolute gayest part of each video.  You can thank us later for that, cause you've got a little readin' to do, and then you gotta take some aspirin or whatever cause I know your fucktarded brain gets all hurty when you gotta sound out words and shit.

10. PRINCE - "Kiss" - Now, we all know Prince tries to pretend he's into chicks and all that shit, but look at this little dick-stroker.  He's all effeminine and shit, feelin' his own ass and whatever, probably pretendin' it's some other dude's turd cutter.

9. DAVID BOWIE & MICK JAGGER - "Dancing In the Street" - Any time you're dancin' with some dude, whether it's in the street or while you're bangin' some slut, it's fuckin' gay...and we all know that these ass-pirates have gotten their share of dude-shit on their cocks.  WARNIN': Watchin' this whole video will turn you fence-sitters into full-blowin' cock gobblers or whatever.

8. THE VILLAGE PEOPLE - "YMCA" - No list of gay shit would be complete without this merry band of turd burglers.  Be sure and check out the sign in the background or whatever.  The fact that this is only number 8 should give you cunts a good idea of the fagginess awaitin' your asses.

7. SPANDAU BALLET - "True" - As if our asses didn't already know that anything involvin' dudes and the name "Ballet" wasn't close to the gayest thing ever, these Spandau faggots wanna drive the point home with one of the gayest songs ever sung.  Kudros to Butch for spottin' the booger in this cum-guzzler's nose.  Gotta admit though, he's a nice lookin' man.

6. MICHAEL JACKSON (before he started pushin' up posies, or whatever the gayest flower in the world is) - "You Are Not Alone" - A gay dude who's into feelin' up little boys is still a gay dude in my book, even if some cunts are callin' 'em pediofiles or some shit.  Hard to tell if MJ is a chick or a faggot in this video.  I'm gonna guess both, if that shit's possible.

5. ELTON JOHN - "I'm Still Standing" - I think Dame Elton shoulda named this song "I'm Still Gettin' Ass-Stabbed" or some shit because it hardly gets gayer than this...But, we know, from the fact that this is only number 5, that it totally does.

4. DEAD OR ALIVE - "You Spin Me Round" - I'm just surprised this "dude" had enough time between givin' blow jobs to make this shitty video.

3. MILLI VANILLI - "Girl You Know It's True" - I coulda told you these rump wranglers were fakin' it from the get-go just based on the fact that they were pretendin' to sing about a chick or whatever.

2. WHAM! - "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" - There's an eye-roll thing that only gay dudes and chicks can do.  How George Michael had to get caught suckin' schlong in a bathroom for everybody to know that he dug cock-snugglin' is proof that everybody's fuckin' retarded.

1. BILLY JOEL - "Uptown Girl" - I thought Christie Brinkley was the only chick in the world stupid enough to think Billy Joel was into pussy...until he dumped her ass and married some other dumb slut.  First of all, how can a grown straight dude named "William" choose to go by "Billy"?  Answer?  He can't.  Fuckin' faggot.  Second of all, I can't believe anybody'd look past this blatant display of gayness and think he'd wanna be within 100 yards of a gash.  Smart of MTV to edit those cocks out and make 'em microphones is all I can say.

Keep on pumpin' dudes.